My Journey

This journey I am on has really tested every part of me. I have always thought I was strong even at my weakest moments but now I know how strong I really am. The physical challenges have been where I excell but this whole emotional roller coaster of looking in the mirror and not knowing the person looking back has shown me my true weakness. I have always been a Tom boy of sorts, never a real fussy, frilly girl. I grew up with four brothers and a very strong sister and I always felt like it was easy to go undetected. Today I am very self conscious and I don't like it. Never have I put a lot of thought in my appearance, I like looking sporty, not real fashion forward. I have always prided myself in being authentic, so wearing a wig or prosthetic breasts feels like I am not living my truth. My struggle is seeing myself as I am today, I don't look like my athletic fun loving self, I look like a sick person. I am eager to get past the chemotherapy so my life can return to normal. I am eager to get back on my bike and ride with the wind, I am eager to kayak the local water ways and put this all behind me but alas that mirror is ever ready to remind me that right here and now I must overcome the challenge at hand. The course has been set and I am going to remain happy and carefree while I do what I must to regain my healthy status. I am going to remember that the woman in the mirror is working hard to overcome something she never expected to face in life. I am going to work to make life better than it ever has been and I am going to embrace the person looking back at me in my mirror because she is overcoming and winning the battle against Cancer!

My Journey

Today I have come through my second chemo treatment and I can say I am blessed. All hair has been clipped from my head and so the cold is just a little colder but I am no worse for the loss. I see myself in the mirror and I look like a little old man with big eyes. I think the hardest part is avoiding people due to all the diseases going around this year. I am pretty certain I got the stomach bug the first round of chemo and it sent me to the ER. Sickness is no joke when your defenses are down. In truth my troubles are few when you compare them to others. I sit here this morning and feel so thankful for those who love me and have come to take care of me in one way or another, I am blessed. So far I am learning so much more than I realized I needed to know, Joy is a state of being present and seeing the world differently, life is beautiful and my part is very limited. I rise each day with little to give but much to learn and that is enough for me. Every journey is a single journey that can only be shared in moments and love is the greatest gift we can share. I am going to live each and every moment I can during my journey and love others when given the chance, I will find something to be thankful for in each and everyday because God is good and I only get to do this life Once!