My Journey

I am here sitting waiting out the weakness that has overtaken me. Today my strength has diminished but not left me completly. My body worn from all the assaults against it but still strong in its desire to overcome all that it has faced. I am able to do whatever is necessary to manage one more day. I feel certain I shall be stronger tomorrow. I feel certain my strength comes from my heart, soul and mind, trusting that all these experiences have undergirded me with hope, peace and love deeper than I knew possible. Everything that we face has purpose and meaning, everything we go through changes us at the very core of our being. Change has made me become dependent on the God of my understanding and trusting that in his infinite wisdom he has ordained my existence and everything that comes my way, so if I trust him then I have no need to fear. So today trust shall be the word of my heart and fear shall echo on deaf ears for I am more than an overcomer in Christ my Lord, I am mighty in faith, hope and love. Peace shall carry me when all else has failed for I am surrendered to this day and moment and I will walk out my truth and faith headed toward the prize of my calling, Christ my Lord. Without faith I am nothing but a hopeless experiment in evolution, with no real beginning only a certain end. I shall walk out my faith until I see the face of God and my hope is you shall too, for in our weakness we come to understand that our strength comes from our dependence on God!

My Journey

Winter never looked so grey. The isolation of cold, snow and ice only compound the darkness I am fighting within. This darkness is in the mind and at work against me, whispering things that make me overwhelmed with the physical battle I am in. This battle is one I am certain to win but nonetheless while it is waging on I feel beaten down, if only for the moment. I have never lived more in the present as anything more leaves me so restless I want to run. My body is weak and tired but my mind thinks it should be able to do more than it ever could. I am grateful for I am doing so much better than I though I ever would but still I want this over. I want nothing more than not having to live in fear that  if I hug someone I may catch an illness my body can't fight off. I want to engage in the world in a new and different way than I have ever before. I want to break out of my routine and be bold and brazen and carefree. I want the confines of winter and the constraints of this treatment to be behind me. I am blessed and I know that so I am not railing against God, I am just expressing the restlessness of my heart. I am just looking forward to the days of sunshine and  being treatment free. I am hoping against all hope that spring is coming and I am going to be able to enjoy it as I never have before. My life took a turn I wasn't expecting and I am going to learn all I can while in this struggle, because I am human. My humanity is being raised to a higher level due to my fight and my humanity is finding that were it not for the God of my understanding I would have been too broken to fix. I shall make it through this never ending winter and I shall sail the high seas and take in all the beauty this earth has to offer, after I fight the fight that is before me. I shall face this life with a new understanding and I shall break free from the frozen earth to claim my place in the sunshine once again. I will be glad for everyday of struggle will only make the beauty of my furture more vibrant! Today I shall find sunshine threw the clouds!