Judging Others

I am guilty of judging others. Daily I see posts and have to fight a battle within not to say what I am really thinking. I judge everyone! I judge people for the words they speak, the clothes they wear, the people they date, the friends they keep, the religious dogma they espouse, the political ideas and people they support! Yep, that would be me judging you.
I have tried to be less judgemental and truth be told I have been successful to a degree. Before I had a gay child I had much stronger opinions about how and why someone was gay, now I accept that people are who they are. I used to hold some really serious ideas about religion and how to be holy but today I realize with all the heart and strength I can muster I will never be holy. I used to judge harshly those who were unfaithful and then I cheated. I used to judge those who's children were wild and a little too carefree then .......well you get the point. Every time in life I have judged another I have fallen and my judgements were bitter when they were regurgitated by me in my own life. I say all this because even though I am aware that judgement has a way of biting me in the ass , I still do it! Makes me think I am too stupid to learn or I am just human and cannot help the nature of the beast.
I have a heart for so many and mostly I am very kind but this is a struggle I have yet to overcome and I want to overcome it! I hate when I feel others judging me or people I care about. I hate seeing people use their religion to try and condemn others to hell or conformity. I hate when I judge others for doing things I in fact have said or done, but still I catch myself . So today I confess you have probably been in my cross-hairs and I ask you now to forgive me, I am working out my own salvation on sin at a time!

Broken open

Life has a way of breaking us open and spilling us out.  My ego has always been a problem. My ego has always needed me to be smart and have all the answers or funny and the life of the party. Every time I had all the answers my soul was being blocked from touching the soul of another.  Man is a soul who inhabits a body, the flesh just a temporary dwelling place. In today's world you would think the flesh more important than the soul they way we glorify looks. It is today that I declare my soul is me and that is enough. I am in the process of realizing that my flesh will fail me but my soul it will rise from the ashes and live on. Today I will feed my soul and worry less about what I feed my flesh. Today I want to be free from the life I have been living and instead find the beauty in life even when life seems to be working against me and those I love. I am broken open and my flesh bleeds but no more than my heart and soul. I cry out for more and less, I petition God to help me become all I can be from the inside out. I want to be free of the bondage's of the cares of this life and become a loving soul who has ego in check. I want to be pleasing to God and able to love myself. I want my love and gentle heart to be what people see when they meet me. I want to be broken open so my truest essence can be released. I have been broken in so many ways, broken by the cares of life, the death of loved ones and it was the death of the ones I have loved most in life that made me want more from life. So broken open is the new me, broken and spilling out, nothing to hide, free from the confines of my ego and the arrogance of my youth. I am going to be free and broken but in truth never better than I am right here and now!

Hormones from Hell !

I know for a fact the female is cursed, hormones are our curse. The beginning of puberty she faces the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster of her womanhood and the train never arrives at the station until she is old and used up and possibly very angry! I hate being a woman for this one constant continuum of change. I have no patience for anything or anyone anymore. I am harsh dark shadow of the woman I used to be. I hate me right now more than I have ever in my life. I am so unsettled ...... my mind, my heart , my soul and my body is ugly and fights me every step. My mind is an anger seeking missile looking for a place to launch the words hidden there . My heart no longer has the willingness to feel joy, only pain and sorrow. I am a mess and I am not looking for your sympathy that only makes me more angry that anyone might think that! No I am here lashing out in words so that this hormonal combustion will be set free. I would not wish on my worst enemy what it is I am going through, I have to much compassion even in my current state! I will ride these hormones out and I will be victorious one way or another, I will get relief , be it my demise or old age (completion of menopause).  If I seem unlike myself rest assured it not something you did it is me living with these hormones from hell , someday I shall return with a new and improved version of my former self! Thank you for the chance to spew this destruction somewhere as were I to hold it in I might spontaneously com-bust !

Dreams can teach if we will listen

Last night I dreamed I had 3 babies. Three very tiny weak infants, one girl, 2 boys. These babies were fragile and needed much care. I saw how frail these tiny humans were and I took great precaution to protect them. I took such great measures to keep them from harm that I in fact suffocated them. My concerns were legitimate but I provided such a worried approach  that I brought to them harm and my desire to protect led to their demise.
In reality I believe this has been my problem for a long time now. I have so wanted to keep my children safe from the world and the cares of life, that I have squeezed the breath out of my family. The joy has left replaced by concern, dread and fear. I wake with new purpose this morning, I must set my people free and thereby myself as well. I have been living in fear of sickness (theirs and mine), this fear has encroached on our lives so much that the good days just blend into the bad ones and one cannot be distinguished from the other.
Today I will love each member with open arms and let them be free from my ideas and hopes for their lives. This family of mine is the single most important thing on earth to me but they are not mine, I own no one. They are agents of God, just as I am, so I trust God in them and with them, for in truth I have no other choice, and I will do it with gratitude for the one single day I have at hand. I will let tomorrow be what ever it is and I will live in the here and now. Today I will do whatever is necessary to live with my joy and happiness intact. I will no longer be the one squeezing the life out of my family but I will find the will to become the one that spreads hope and encouragement to each member by setting aside my doubts and fears.
 Some dreams come to teach us, it isn't to late but we must be willing to learn or find the dream can become our reality. My family just happens to be the people I share this journey of life and death with! Let your heart and mind be open to learn whatever it is you need to learn and trust God is teaching all of us each and everyone. We are blessed to share the road with like minded souls!Thanking God for those I share the road with!

Expand your vocabulary your ignorance is showing!

Seems today we no longer have common rules of decency.Our children , mine included, think nothing of the words they use to express themselves. Poor language is just that poor language and seems everyone uses it. Gone are the days when people only used inappropriate language in the privacy of a conversation, today they blast it all over every social media available. The generations of my parents and aunts and uncles would  never be caught dead using that kind of offensive language. Anyone who ever wanted to be thought of in terms of being raised properly would never speak that way, at least not in front of their elders. I remind you , all of you, grandparents read your posts and great aunts and uncles, parents, teachers, see your posts be respectful, you do not live in a bubble. It is a social network and not a private conversation, people who hire and fire read your words. I remember my father telling me as a youth that a man is only as good as his word, I know the meaning was more deep  than what I am speaking of but suppose people only see your words and do not know you personally, then they might think you ignorant and incapable of speech.
I really do not care if you see me as antiquated or behind the times but I know that I want to only say things that I could say in front of my  grand children or grandparents, so with that said, I bid you joy and happiness and think you all need to expand on your vocabulary. We need to let our light influence the dark  instead we have allowed the crudeness of our language swallow up the beautiful prose that can lift a mans heart! Let your heart be reflected in your words and let them be light and beautiful and kind and uplifting to all who see them!

Are Dreams real?

One of my favorite dreams I ever dreamed was of my father. After my Dad passed I wanted to dream of him all the time so that I might feel like we had had a visit. With no dreams of him I felt abandoned and sad. Later I would understand that just as in life so as in death my father would be there when I needed him most!
I have been a person who loved God from early childhood but never quite understood the church and all its dogma and doctrines. After my father's death I was in a quagmire of indecision that really centered around the church. I was making the decision that what I knew deep in my bosom (as my dad would say) was not lining up with all the rules and regulations the organized church was teaching. In my struggle to make a decision about this religious heritage my father had given me I called on God to help me. The dream came later when I was most distraught about leaving the church, it was then that my Dad spoke to me during the dream, telling me these words, " Sister it is not what I taught you growing up but it is about the love of God in your heart for your fellow man." Suddenly it was all so clear to me,the wisdom my father had given was just like it was when he was present on this earth, Dad would be here for me when I really needed him most. The dream was like the man I knew, truth and love without interference.If I had dreamed of him often the impact would not have been the same, it is because he meets my needs still, that I can feel sure of love that endures beyond our physical death.
I believe in dreams and the power they have to speak to us when we need it most! I also believe love transcends death and in truth we all will live beyond our physical loss of life even if it is only in the dreams of those we love!!!