Depression the storm rages on!

Depression is a very sneaky thing. Each and everyday things happen to us good and bad, we march on not feeling the effects until we wake one day to feel downcast. My soul is in pain today, I carry the pain of my own personal disappoints and sorrow from my failures. I am a good soul most always but at times my struggle is deep and dark and overwhelming. There are days when I could lash out a whipping on each and very person I meet but for the Holy Spirit keeping me. I know this struggle is temporary so I press on even though I am weary.
Depression takes the mind by storm and clouds every thought and deadens the emotions till they all look the same. I am no friend to this state of mind, I have fought this battle more times than I can tell. The good news is I have the courage to fight again. I will move forward and I will not fear this enemy of mine but I will be calm and learn all I can so as not to have to visit this place again. Truth is I do not know why or when this tempest shall come but having weathered this storm before I feel certain I can endure one more. Depression is a foe and I am its enemy for I shall never surrender and I shall never give in. I Shall remain steadfast and I shall overcome with gladness that which has set out to numb me and rob me of all the joy life has given me. Today I will find joy in every little thing because to do otherwise would render me void and useless and I am anything but! I shall overcome the darkness with hope and faith because I have faced bigger storms before and here I am still standing. Today I shall dance in the rain, not in spite of it but because of it and to dance while a storm in me rages on only makes me stronger!

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy with love........the weight is good because it represents the love I carry for so many. I love the heart of man because it is there we can see who he really is. The heart even when damaged by the wear and tear of life, functions every second of everyday beating out the rhythm of life. The heart is an organ that carries the soul of man as well as keeps him physically alive. Our heart weights more than all the other organs because we carry other people in it. We carry our sorrow and love for each one we know. Strangers can speak a word of kindness and it touches our heart. There are times when we have to guard our hearts because on more disappointment would just break it. The heart is so much more than even the mind of man; if we live from our heart and not our mind our neighbors will become our family. The heart can feel heavy with the joy of love when we meet face to face our newborn baby, the heart feels like it could burst with pride for every accomplishment we see our children master. The heart only stops working when we take the leap from our earthly abodes to our heavenly home.
I love this heart of mine......so far it has only skipped a beat when he kissed me on my front steps and when we said I do! Then with the news that I carried his children it skipped from time to time. My heart loves deeply and it always guides me into the truth of loving unconditionally. I am most fortunate to have a heart that pants after God. My heart can never be too heavy.....even the grief I carry for the sick and dying means it is full of love for those same ones.
The heart of man will make him linger on his death dead just to ease the pain of his loved ones. The heart is the most amazing organ we have as life and death touch it, yet it beats on. The mind will turn a man to drugs and alcohol for relief but the heart will bring a man to his senses and sober him up! The heart is the greatest of all other organs because the spirit of God can take up residence there as well as all those others we will carry there in our life time. So yes my heart is heavy ......heavy with the only things worth taking when I leave this world.....I am taking your love with me, where ever that may be!

Healing in Prayer!

I have decided to pray for the sick. I want my life to have purpose and prayer is my conversation with God. I am going to start today praying here in this open forum for the needs of the people I know and love. I will pray for anyone that needs prayer and I will believe for miracles. The word teaches us to bring everything to God with thanksgiving so I shall start here!
Father God in the name above all names, Jesus, I come before you with a heart full of thankfulness. I am most grateful for your love toward me and all your creation. I am thankful for every law you set into motion and everything you did at the cross to save us from our own failures. You Lord have delivered us from ourselves and our own wickedness, thank you! Lord your word declares that "by your stripes we were healed," so today we come asking for our deliverance from sickness and disease. Free us Lord in your mighty name from the enemy who seeks our destruction. Free us from the bondage's of his army of demons, let us walk out our lives fully vested in your deliverance. Let us be free from the snares of the enemy of our soul! Father your word says that we are mighty to the pulling down of strongholds, so it is here and now that we begin our journey free from all that has ensnared us in the past. We are free from sickness and spiritual bondage's, no matter how long they have been in our families and lives, we are free! It is Christ that has commanded our liberation. It is Christ who has set the captive free, it is Christ our hope of glory! It is Christ that paid for our deliverance on the cross. It is the Son of God who said it is finised. It is the Son of God who nailed our sins to a tree and rose again to show us the abundance of His love. I am changed because He loved me and I shall declare the goodness of God all the days of my life! I am free! You are Free! God has set us free and whom God has set free is free indeed! Thanking God for His love for all of us! We have no authority of our own but we have the authority of God's word to free us from our bondages of sin! We walk in faith and hope and know that it is not we who command it but it is Christ very words that command our freedom!

Finding my voice!

I have been searching for my voice all my life. I have spent many hours and days reflecting on others thoughts while burying mine so deep I lost all contact with myself. Recently I have found my voice again. Many are those who think I should keep my thoughts to myself but no more. I will trust my voice and I will speak it out loud when I choose. My voice was hard to hear growing up because there were so many of us but no longer is that the case. I think and I speak and when I am at my very best I write. My voice is best heard on paper, it is then that I am able to define what I really want to say. Today I write as an exercise for my soul. Do you understand that writing clears all the other voices out of your head and you find your lone voice. I have value and I have grace and mercy and these pages shall reflect those very things. These pages shall also expose my doubts and fears which are growing smaller and smaller every time I uncover something new about myself.  Words give expression to thoughts , ideas and emotions but best of all they give meaning to my voice!
My very favorite voice is the one I use to pray. When I take time and pray I think first of those I want to pray for and I start thinking of all the reasons I am thankful for that person. I thank God first and foremost for the very one I pray for then and only after exhausting my thanksgiving do I make supplication to God on their behalf. Yes my voice is best when it is speaking to God in a prayer of thanksgiving or in a request. I find when I use my voice in prayer I am settled in my spirit by the time I have completed my prayer. My prayer has given voice and started a life long conversation with my Creator whom I would not really know otherwise. Prayer has become my greatest form of communication and given voice to the better part of me, the part that loves others more than I want to be right. My voice has found it way out into the world, has yours?

I believe

Today I find myself wondering what I believe about the Holy Scripture. I personally believe Jesus to be the son of God incarnate. I believe he was born a man so as to bring us back in good standing with our heavenly Father, redeeming what Adam lost. I believe Adam the first human was weak and incapable much like the whole human race of today and every other time period. So God clothed himself in flesh and did for us what our feeble attempts couldn't, live a life that fully and completely honored the Author of creation. Jesus pleased God in every way possible.
Here I am a woman with a heart for God and wanting a relationship with my Creator and everywhere I turn I am told my life isn't holy enough, every scripture a reminder of my complete and utter failure. So in my frustration I search the word for clues and come across my favorite scriptures; when Jesus was asked by the pharisees which was the greatest of all the commandments, Jesus said," Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy self. On these two hang all the law and prophets," (Matthew 22:36-40). When I read this I make the decision to believe that this truth spoken by the Son of God is all I need. I shall contemplate love and it shall be my sacrifice to God and to my neighbor as all the other laws and scripture muddy the water for me.  I am a simple woman so I must keep my religion simple too. One other scripture that speaks to my heart is in the book of Job chapter 13 verse 15 says, Tho He slay me yet I will trust him; I lean hard on this scripture when things get tough, this comforts me to know I am in Gods hands and I can trust His will for my life. I am a woman of faith and I must work out my own salvation ( Philippians 2:12), so please do not be offended when I do not heed your words of warning, God gave me a mind and a heart to seek Him with and I trust He will guide me into paths of righteousness because He loves me and only wants what is best for me. I also trust Him to lead and guide those I love as well, even you. I am not afraid because perfect love casts out all fear, (1st John 4:18), so please do not fear for me instead love me just as I am and I will make every attempt to love you and offer you acceptance just as you are! I believe that God will never leave us nor forsake us,( Hebrews 13:5), so trust Him as you walk out your own journey. I believe His mercy will endure forever and we can rest in His sacrifice and love, He paid the price once and for all.

I stand before HIS throne!

I stand before His throne with nothing to say in my defense but "Hallelujah". I stand before His throne a sinner in need of grace and mercy. I stand before His throne dirty in my sin and shameful of all I did and thought in my life here in this broken land. I stand before His throne and fall before His feet a broken vessel full of sin and disgrace. I am His broken sinful child dependant on the mercy of His sacrifice, dependant on the shed Blood of my Saviour. Thankful that in all my sin and disgrace He saw something worth of saving. "Hallelujah" is all that will form in my mouth. I have no words to defend my behaviour or my actions. I have nothing at all that could make me worthy of heaven. Nothing but the act of Jesus when He took my place on the cross, erasing my sins forever. I am justified and able to walk on streets of gold with only one thought "hallelujah, my sins forgiven as though they never happened."
I cannot boast of my good works or my sinless life because I am a sinner and my good works they are as filthy rags before Him but in Him I can boast, He made a way where there seemed to be none! I stand before the throne of God as His child full of gratitude for the one who paid my price in full," HALLELUJAH!"

Death part of the Journey!

The journey is long if we are lucky so I am told. I have always thought only the good die young, making death a reward for having been special. I know you may think me crazy and in truth I am to a degree but death itself seems like the starting line for our true ability to live. The life I speak of is one where we are not bound in flesh that decays but we are spirit and soul that is wise and understanding and open to learn everything before us and behind us, no boundaries. Many of us have lost people we love and are suffering that void today and I pray we each understand our loss is their gain. Some may say well heaven depends on what they did while living, to them I say heaven depends on one Man/God alone. He did what He did for his creation. He laid down his perfect life for the one I have never been able to get right. I love this Lord, this holy Man, I love Jesus because He came to teach us a new way to live. He came to teach me to love God above all and my neighbor as myself. His message is still fresh and exciting today after thousands of years. His ways still above our ways. This God/Man came in absolute humility so I might trust He knows me and the error of my ways. I know how to love unconditionally because He first loved me this way. I know how to love my husband and children and my neighbor because He has loved me and given me His example to follow. This journey I am on is beautiful because I serve a God who said, "Father God forgive them (humanity) for they (humanity) know not what they do", this God declared from the cross you and I do not know what we are doing, and offered His forgiveness right then and there.  Because He made the way then and there we need  no one to tell us how to talk to God, no one, that journey is for YOU and HIM alone! Happy Easter friends!