Free to be me!

I am here writing my words getting my therapy! I am not like most people I am a loner by nature born into a family of social butterflies. It was strange growing up in the middle of my brothers and sister, add to that the constant rotation of family and my parents friends , while suffice it to say people like me get overwhelmed in that environment easily. The home I grew up in was maddening at times. Few and far between were there moments of quiet and calm. My parents were always entertaining their adult friends and I hated it. I hated always having to be on my best behaviour. Our home was a box with 2 bedrooms 2 adults and 6 kids, today's standards would say inhumane, I say making do! Do not get me wrong by most people's standards I am a social butterfly but in my family I am not.
I married and my identity in that marriage remains the same, social butterfly! Well here is a news flash I am not a very social person, I can be , I know how to be and I take comfort in that but it goes against my nature. By nature I am a reader and explorer and solitary person. All my life people have wanted me to be more like this image of my father and I have tried hard to live like him and be like him but I have to be me! I am the one who set his image as my standard but I can no longer aford to because it is real work and effort, now I must be true to me. I am thankful for the skill set I developed that lets me adapt and fit into any social setting but I want to be in the great out doors or reading books or better yet writing, I want to be free from this prison I have created in my own mind! So Pam is being set free as I write!
I will explore on bike and kayak all the eastern shore has to offer. I am about to turn 52 years old and I feel it is really about time I endeavor to do the things I feel drawn to. I have grown up respecting and loving my family! Brad has his interest and I have mine so the time has come for Pam to be the great explorer she has always had to suppress! I am on my journey now! I love each of you very much but it is my time to find fun in the sun! I am not somebodies wife, mother, or grandmother, I am me ! See you out in the woods or on the water or at the library but when you see me know I am at peace in my own skin doing my own thing!