Just another day !

Writing while under the influence of seizures or drugs has the same effect......lots of going back to edit or just plain fix what i misstated. I have never gone so long unable to work past or through something. In my family of origin the sick are just the weak or lazy and I am neither; I must fight this battle within me that tells me everyday get up your just being lazy. I am strong, each day I get out of bed and I fight against this fire storm of electrical activity in my head. Each day I take drugs that make me feel lost and dissociated from my mind and body. The fire storm in my mind is not only keeping me home but now in almost utter darkness. The light of everything hurts my eyes and brain, mornings are best because they have been rested but by evening I need sunglasses to watch TV in the dark. I do not know what rages in my mind but I want freedom from it. I want to be my old happy go lucky self. Remember I told you once everything I have ever spoken ill against another God is making me face today, well here I am again fighting so now I fear I must become mute as well. I work hard to fight the constant and abiding fatigue it causes while working hard every day to keep my sanity and memories intact. I am a warrior doing battle every single day of my life. I can do this because of the beauty of the people God has placed in my life. My husband is the kindest man I have "ever" known, not once has he made me feel anything but loved, nothing I ask is to great, he makes me feel like a princess and he is my prince doing my biding. . He serves me everyday in any way possible. I am forever in love because he is mine. I write because I am here alone and I want people to know the kinds of things I think about. I wish this illness were gone and I could be my healthy self again but right now I will take each day as it comes and find joy and laughter in it ! I love you all ! Happy Monday!