My journey

The darkness of morning gives me time for reflection. Quiet time to think of all that has passed in just  a matter of days. My life has been threatened by an invisible giant taking cover in my body. Never would I have ever expected that it was even there were it not for the blood that weeped from my Breast. The weeping of my Breast was a cry, it knew it carried something of great danger and it cried because it wanted to warn me my life was at risk. Had the cry never happened the danger would have increased and most certainly could have taken my life. My breast made the ultimate sacrifice so I might live and for that I am grateful. The breast are the one thing that makes a woman able to care for her babies with nourishment, they are a life force and mine wept to save me. I named my girls when I thought of losing them (Thelma and Louise), they are the truest of friends for all they gave me and mine. I shall remember the 17 year old Brad when he touched them the first time, the tension and pleasure he derived was remarkable and pleased me as well. I shall never forget the first time I layed my own child at my breast to nurse and found the power of the life force within, 3 babies found life giving nourishment at that place on my body above my heart. Those sweet breast did nothing but serve my family and they can rest at peace knowing they did good. So today I shall let go and say farewell my dearest of friends, go find your rest and know I shall always remember our years together in my youth and now I can even boast of your beauty as tho you were superstars, the way we pay homage to our deceased loved ones.

My Journey

Yesterday I experienced the victory of the battle and the scars of warfare. Victory came in many forms, gifts of friendship and flowers, food and love pored out on me. My day was beautiful and hard. Recovery is difficult at best because it is hard for the mind to understand injury, the mind says if there is life and breath then there is reason to get up and get on with living. My living  got even better when my surgeon called to inform me that my tumor was bigger than they though but all 4 lymph nodes were clean. My future looks promising, how is that for the light piercing this darkness. What does one do after such good news? I grew stronger in my will to survive and I faced the wounds in the mirror. The good news is I didn't have to face them alone, my husband and sister helped me uncover my chest to see what warfare looks like. I must say I felt faint when my Breast were gone but there was something satisfying to know that under the remaining flesh there was no Cancer and the scars shall be reminders of how strong I am when I call on God and trust His wisdom to guide me through unknown places. I shall always remain the thankful for my surgeon, Dr. Dudus and all his encouragement and skill, he saved my life as I know it. I am proud of this life I have and intend to live it fully for as long as i have breath in this body, sweeter is the victory that comes at such a great cost.

My Journey

Heard a song this morning that spoke to my heart, the Christmas version of Hallelujah. Today my heart cries out Hallelujah for I have been through surgery and I am doing fine. The pain level is manageable with ibuprofen, no narcotics because I have so many lifting me in prayer. I am strong because you love me, I am strong because you have prayed for me and even at my weakest point I am able to overcome my fears because God is with me. I find my joy comes from somewhere deeper than I ever knew possible. There is a joy that passes all understanding when you find what truly matters in life. The loss of my Breast cannot compare to regaining my life and time with those I love. So today as I recover from surgery I shall take time to sing Hallelujah from the depths of my heart for all the gifts I have been given are of an eternal nature and my heart cries out hallelujah for each of you.

My Journey

I rise early and find solitude most mornings. There was a time when sleep would be all I needed but today I am looking into the face of a giant. I find it ironic that the Cancer in me is tiny but so fierce I must equate it with Goliath. I like the thought of being like David, a shepherd, who was no soldier but able to muster up the skill set to bring down Golith. This giant within me will take a destructive blow to my body tomorrow and the causality of this battle, my Breast. When this fight is over I must take cover until recovery is well underway and then I must prepare a new strategy and head back out to continue the campaign at hand. Unlike Goliath, my giant will not stand in the open, no he is more sinister, he hides in places I cannot see, it is I who have no cover. Tomorrow I shall be even more exposed but God and my surgeon shall give me the advantage to take down this monster hiding within. Yes, I am on the battlefield but I declare victory is mine no matter the cost!

My Journey

This morning before I was even was fully awake I was aware, aware that I am about to birth something new into my life. The days between my diagnosis and now I have felt many different emotions. The strongest feeling was first to run and now it much like the calm that comes over you when you are about to give birth. Many fears have passed over my mind and before they take root I try to snuff them out. When pure panic hits the heart I am at a loss to stop it, so I feel thankful my maternal instincts are taking over and trying to calm me. My body has betrayed me before and I have survived  and today is no different.  The hard part is still before me and I believe I can overcome every loss and still have my soul intact. I must allow that part of me that nurtures others to have full reign, so that I can fully heal and realize my highest potential in this life. I have always wanted to write and now find words being birthed daily out of these circumstances, so who knows just what this painfull ordeal may uncover, I know I trust God and the most beautiful things in life must first be born out of blood, water and much suffering.

My Journey

Not many words find me this morning, just happiness. Today I will take care of  getting my responsibilities at work taken care of and then pick out my Christmas tree for home. Oh the joys of Christmas, if one must have surgery then best they recouperate at home in a winter wonderland. I have completed most of my shopping for my kids and for the most part feel okay with the fact my Christmas shall be different than all those past. Part of me knows I must let go of all the things I do so that my healing may then come unabated. The most important lesson to learn may be that the world will find its way without me, well at least for a few months. I am feeling joy this morning and choose not to think of what the future holds unless it includes the joys of family and celebrating my Saviour. So I challenge you find you joy today no matter your circumstances!

My Journey

Last night found me frightened and paniced. I woke from sleep in a fear so big I wanted to run, every part of me was screaming like hell to get away from this unknown assailant, who is so relentlessly persuing me. The Cancer in me has been at work for at least 10 years they told me, 10 long years stalking my every move, then jumping out and assaulting me when I least expected it. How insidious is your assailant when they are able to just watch and wait till the time is right and a decade is not to big a deterant. Now that I know who it is that has haunted me all these years I can better understand all of the feelings of uncertainty and fatigue. Just a few years ago I fought for my life and sanity and here I am today doing the very same thing again only this time the attacker is taking body parts as a trophy to show dominance over me. The greatest tool I have against this assailant is my faith, hope, and love, love gives one super human courage and I am going to need it for the fight I am embarking on. One of my fears is that  I have to sustain this mental fortitude for at least a year to overcome this Goliath in front of me I have held on for longer but I was much younger then, today I must become like David to fully get this job done and I have been prepping most of my life for this race, unknowingly. Today a giant is in my face taunting me so I must find my stones and sling to clear the course before me and run with all my heart!