Easter

May we always feel the love of God at this holy celebration of the death and resurection of our Saviour . The truest form of love is when a man lays down his life for a friend but our Lord layed His down for everyone not some but everyone! Think for one moment what our heavenly Father was experiencing when He sent His only Son to die for people who mock Him . I have 2 sons and 1 daughter and I can say for sure I do not know a soul I would send them to die for. Selfish I know but true none the less. Our children who serve in the armed forces make the choice to lay down their own lives for others, as parents we are proud but we wouldn't make that choice, they have to. I would die in my childs place and so would their father but neither of us could let them die for us. I tell you this because I want the reality to hit you as it has me. Our God gave His greatest joy in life so as to gain more sons and daughters ! What a good God we serve. I will not pretend to understand the heart or mind of God but I know He loves us ! I know He showed us in the only way most people would understand. So in reture love a little deeper and share a smile and kindness with someone, so they may see the reflection of Christ our Saviour in you ! He is risen and He lives in me ! Happy Easter !

I Believe

We all have our daily concerns....... health , money, family, aging, etc. I am certain we should laugh about it more than we do. We get a ticket in and out, our hour glass of time continues to drain each grain of sand one by one. I will not get caught up watching the sand but I pray when the last grain falls , I will fall where ever I am not home sitting around waiting for life to happen but out experiencing it. I do not want to waste one ounce of my energy worrying about the cares of life. We are all going to die, so this is a certain, I must learn to live in spite of the constant threat of death. I must walk with intention to the places that lift my heart. I must find the silver lining in my storm cloud. The storms are here and more will come but they only make the sun filled days all the more beautiful. I see the world the way I choose and I want to walk out to meet the rainbow. I do not want to hide in my home for fear of rain. I want to feel each and every drop as it softens the earth my prayer is it softens me as well. I want to be the shoulder that comforts those who cry out their own rain storm. I want so much to be alive, I want to feel the heat and the cold, I want them to speak about life to me. I want everything this earth has to give to help me arrive at my destination with joy unspeakable. I want an abundant life that makes this world look beautiful because I was here and gave. I want the darkness to be overshadowed by the light .I want life to piece the darkness of my soul so I can behold the face of the creator and say I believed. You made me see the beauty in the midst of the darkness and therefore I believe.I believe in the beauty of this earth and your creation. I believe humanity is your greatest accomplishment so I will always look for the beauty in every face. I will trust in your glory and how you are able to make beauty out of ashes ! I BELIEVE !

Giants among us!

I walk among giants ! I walk every day side by side with people just like me, people facing sorrows that could weigh you down but these giants refuse to give up ! Example , my daughter gets up everyday of her life and fights the battle with her health ! She is such an example of strength and courage to me that I am amazed. I know a girl who has a brain tumor and never knows when to expect the next seizure or worse. I know two young men fighting every day, one to walk , the other just wants to feed himself without assistance. We have forgotten how easy it is to do the things that come naturally to us, truth be told we think this is necessary to a happy life. We act like it is a given. I know men that fight the battle every day with addictions, these men have lost everything but they want their lives back and so they do battle. Not once a day but mutiple times every hour. I want us to realize that there are those among us that struggle with mental health issues, such as depression and even worse. In fact I struggle with some of these things but who am I if I give my life over to the disease and the troubles of this world. I have family members with MS and my cousin told his daughter, "remember you have MS , it does not have you." My cousin is no longer with us but his words still encourage his daughter and me ! Today I know your world may look bleak but I am here to say , we all face the same struggles and fears. We are all in the boat together and I am so happy to be in it with you ! Because you are here and you share your fears and doubts I find strength ! Because you love me enough to not act like I am a freak because I am afraid I can face these things and know you too are in it with me ! What I want to say is thank you for all those that love me enough to be a shoulder when I need one or allow me the prividledge to be yours ! We are a messed up bunch but together we can find healing and comfort ! Thank you for loving me and accepting me as I am flaws and all !

BEAUTY

Where does beauty originate ? I often view beautiful men and women on TV or in restaurants and I am often struck by their lack of inner beauty or even lack of satisfaction in life. Seems everyone is trying to be beautiful and all the while neglecting what real beauty is. Real beauty is not a look or a clothing line or a label; Real beauty is an inner confidence that radiates out of an inner respect and self love. Self love is not arrogant or over confident but a peace that passes understanding for the most part. Inner beauty doesn't try to fit in , it stands on it's own! Beauty walks in the confidence of knowing that the inner man is more important than the body. The soul of man is the place beauty shines out from, your beautiful because you are a safe place for others . Your beautiful because you do not make others a joke when they walk away. Your beautiful because everyone is safe in your presence and better yet, everyone feels special in your presence. Love and beauty walk hand in hand , you could say it is a marriage of sorts. Beauty is reflected from the inside out and it will make the unattractive seem irresistible. so walk today in the joy and blessing of your beauty and make someones world a little brighter !

God/ Fragile

How fragile is my relationship with God? I listen to people talk and give advice and I am convinced they live a life in fear. I have a living breathing relationship with God. We are friends and at times ememies, just like my marital relationship. Most people consider it sin to share those thoughts, well news break God already knows your questions, anger ,fear and frustrations before they come out of your mouth. I have deceided I am going to have an ongoing conversation without quoting scripture to back it up. The word is our source but suppose for one second you no longer had access , what then ? I am having this constant conversation that is like one I have with my husband. I am going to feel all the things a real relationship feels. I will not pretend that all is well when I am mad as hell. I will voice my concerns and wait for a response . I will never again allow others tell me how to relate to the Most High. My fears ,doubts, anger, hatred they do not surprise Him, I believe He is everything and knows everything, so my revelations to Him are old news anyway. So right now here on this blog I am in pursuit of God and it may look like blasphemy to some and to others it may be refreshing but for me it is authenticly me. I will no longer live under the contraints of others but I will work out my own relationship with God. If our relationship is as fragile as others seem to think then I will sweep streets in heaven but if I am correct and what God really wants are people He can call friends half the work will be done and when we meet face to face it will be a real homecoming. I write this blog to help me find my path , I do not intend to insult others or put anyone down, in fact my prayer is you read something here that will lighten your load! I am in pursuit and hope you are as well. The road ahead leads us bank home if we trust the one who gave us life. The road ahead is full of hope and despair, joy and sorrow, life and death and I am going to need this ongoing conversation with our Creator to get through it, so with confidence I will argue and fight, love and respect my God as I find my way home!

Mrs. Wulff

I have decided to write today about Brad's Mom, my other Mother. In life few are the ones who are as blessed as me. I love Beth Wulff and truly consider her one of my closest friends.
Mom is in the hospital once again, she celebrated her 80th there and it is one year later and there she is again. My heart is in a state of grief now because I watch her health fail daily. On my visit yesterday she told me about her body and how it is failing and I told her of my cruise with her son. As I was about to leave she grabbed my hand and asked me to pray and I did. I thanked God for this beautiful woman and the kindness she extended to the people she met in life. I thanked Him for all the children she comforted and cared for all the years she was a school nurse. I thanked God for the example she is as a wife and mother. I thanked Him for letting me be part of her family. I thanked Him for her voice and for the way she has soothed her children and grandchildren with that strong confidence and beautiful richness; Brad always has said her voice brings him comfort every time he hears it. Today her voice grows weaker but their is strength and a comforting way in which she speaks to me. As I prayed my prayer was filled with thanksgiving for a life well lived. The prayer had to go to a place she needed and I needed, the prayer had to speak of her demise, so I thanked God for the Holy Spirit that lives in her and how He was comforting her at this very moment. I thanked Him that when she took her last breath she would open her eyes to behold His face and all those she has ever loved before would be present too. I said these words confident she would be comforted by them. When my prayer was completed I asked her if she felt uncomfortable with me speaking of her demise and she said "because you speak of my demise, I think that is why I am comfortable."
I am in love with this woman and my heart breaks because the day is coming when I will have to say goodbye but in life my heart will remain grateful that I got to be the one to call her Mom and I got to be the one who carried her grandchildren. We marry thinking we are getting the man of our dreams but if we love as God planned we get to marry him and his family becomes our family in every sense of the word. If we work hard and love with as little judgement as possible it is possible to become one with our Mother-in-law after all there is no other woman on earth that has loved your spouse as deeply. So I say to you Beth Wulff , I am honored and blessed to call you Mom, I will be yours and you mine till death do us part and even then I will wait for you should I leave first and I know you will be there for me when my turn comes to go home. So as our time closes in on us I will remain ever grateful to God that people call us by the same name, Mrs. Wulff.

Jibberish

My words are lost right now, they have gone into hiding for fear of what I might say. My emotions are high and they can release more than aught to be said. Blogs are a beautiful place to express your life but the truth is we often want to put others truths out here. So my words are hiding , they want to remain untouched or unexpressed so as not to put things here that may make others uncomfortable or even hurt. I am an open book and I find it difficult to hold back what makes me who I am and some times that involves others and their stories as well because they are part of my life.
I am an emotional being and I find I need social interaction. I need to express my fears and doubts even at the expense of others but out of respect I can't. So what does one do when they can't say what they like ...... They turn the music up and Dance !!!