Moving On

I want to write to capture every moment of my life. I want to write about the things that will keep a family history for all those I love and I want to capture the lessons I have learned but to do so may expose just how ordinary my life is, some may say boring but I will take the chance and leave my life exposed in this blog.
I am currently on a journey of soul searching. I have lived the same way so long that I know I need to change for fear that I have become insane. The things I have done in the past no longer work. I want to be a better new improved version of myself, so therefore I will share some of the ways I am changing. I have responded to each and every person in the same way for so long that I am compelled to do things differently. I am going to a group therapy of sorts so as to find my way in this world. I am no longer content with the status quo.
 This week Brad and I visited our son Chase in NYC, Abby our daughter came along as well. When we left the city to return home we brought our son's car home. At about 1 hour into the trip the car threw the timing belt at about 70 mph, leaving the engine no good. In the past this would have given me every reason to blow my own gasket. In the past I would have complained how this should have never happened and I would have placed all the blame on my husband. I have been making a real concerted effort to accept these things and not react in such a angry unreasonable way. So we stopped and called AAA . They towed the car off the Jersey turnpike to Bordentown and we followed. Along the way we discussed what to do and we decided to give the car to the tow company. We decided not to struggle with repairing it or towing it any further, this was not an easy choice, as our business is repairing cars. For the first time in my life I did not feel like I had to have the answers or the need to place the blame on anyone else, I accepted that things happen.  When we pulled away from that car it was as if my soul was somehow lightened. I did not have to carry the baggage of that car with me or figure how to get it home and that was symbolic of so much more than just that situation. It was symbolic of me letting go the need to control life! I do not have to have all the answers or fix every problem I am faced with , sometimes I just have to let go and walk away. I am thankful for a cute little car that served our family well over the years but time came and I had to move on without it. Today I am moving on in many areas and it feels good. I refuse to burdened down with anything that feels heavy and unhealthy. I am being set free and liberated from all the ideas that have held me down. I am cutting loose from the baggage that needs to be removed from my life and that cute little BMW was just the first of many things I will be setting free! Freedom is just a step away and I am taking it right now!