My journey

There is a raw anger inside that I must let go of if I am going to have a positive experience during my treatments. It seems a bit extream all the battles one must fight in a lifetime. Today I wake up angry, angry that I have made the decision to put poison in my body to keep Cancer from coming back later on in my life. Angry about all the damage the chemotherapy will do to my good cells just to keep bad cells from taking over. After going threw an extream peri-menopause I really thought I was home free, finally. Last year I had a heart exam that told me I was fit but needed to lose weight and bring my blood sugar down and I did both. Today I am angry that life just keeps mounting assault after assault against my physical body. I have always considered myself lucky in many ways but lately the struggles have been mounting. I have figured out that releasing these emotions gives me an advantage over my circumstances, so I am venting so I do not get overwhelmed. The loss of my breasts was the easiest battle I have had to face so far! For me letting go of my breasts was a decision for my health, but this whole chemo thing has me angry. Poison yourself so you can live, how does that even make sense? So here on this page I will release my anger and move forward with the plan so I might live to see my children marry and someday hold my grandchildren. I have made peace with this whole process because when you have that facts in front of you it opens your eyes to making the hard choices but still deep in the pit of my stomach I am dealing with anger. Anger might be just what I need to survive this whole ordeal and I am okay with that too. I am raw today because of my emotions, come Monday I will be raw because of chemicals burning out any remaining Cancer! Good news is emotions do not rule, logic and knowledge shall keep me focused and moving forward to my full and complete recovery!