Christmas this year !

This year Christmas will be different. Many things have changed since my last. I am not the same as I was in the past, life has caused me to see the world quite different. My children have moved away and moved back. My husband has moved away and back , not in the literal sense but you get the picture, we all go through changes. I am no longer the silly carefree girl many of you once knew either. I am changed, by the loss of loved ones and struggles of life in every area of my existence. I miss the old me sometimes the one who made Christmas the high point of the year but I also take comfort in this woman who no longer needs to try and make her world perfect. The energy I had as a young Mom was so different from the energy I lack now but because I am lacking I am able to see what really matters. Today my world is smaller than it ever has been and that in part is because my health will not permit me to do more or even go more. I am restricted from driving and that has slowed everything down to something I can better manage. The women in life I have always admired most, never had cars or a drivers license but they had time and thoughts and the opportunity available to pray for those in need. Money was never anything they had much of either, but full of grace and joy and love were they. I believe my losses are really my own personal gain. I am stepping out of the rat race and letting the world rush on by. I am becoming someone who I can respect , someone who has the time of day to be a friend to whom ever needs one. I am growing old with grace and I hope beauty that can only come from suffering great loss, for the greatest sin I can imagine is to not have learned anything from life, when we have had so much then begin to lose those people, things, experiences and abilities we once took for granted. I count all I have lost as gain for the fact that I am so much more than I once was. Letting go suits me well , holding on strangles my creativity and snuffs life out of living, so I am going to be free from my ideal Christmas and let joy, not gifts, dominate. I am going to be free from the burden of expectation and embrace the moments with the ones I love instead! Merry Christmas to you and yours, hope your Christmas is full of joy and fellowship without all the other trappings!