I surrender all

Shall I mourn my greatest friend? My body has taken me down paths of righteousness ,that had I been healthy all the days of my life I would have never journeyed and for that I am grateful. I am convinced that illness can be a tool by which we are made more open to transforming into a more loving, understanding and compassionate version of ones self. Illness can bring us to our knees and the battle is about surrender not perfect health, not even about living or dying. Over the years I have had to surrender my body to many things but nothing as relentless as this sickness that is determined to make me yield to its mental and physical anguish. I owe so much to my body's failures, because my body fails me I have had to be introspective; I could never look to far into the future because in fact I never felt sure I had one. The gift of this relentless battle between me and my physical short comings made me look to God and develop that relationship. The failure of the flesh has served my soul well, I am more than I could ever have been had I been born perfect. I say thank you to God for allowing this disorder be my companion in life, even tho it strikes terror in my heart and mind when it threatens me and even when I am disabled by it, it forces me to be it's servant but it cannot keep the servant from learning wisdom and truth and humility every time it whips me. I am so much more than I could or should be and all because I have had to be a slave to a disorder that can and most likely will rob me of my life but can it really rob me of anything? No! I used it to learn and I let its constant presence keep me full, full of life itself. I am full to the very core of my being because I squeeze every possible moment and get the most life out of it! I see everything as a chance to bring new eyes , fresh eyes with which I will view the world. I see the world everyday in a new and different way because I know anyday is possibly my last. I am the winner here , I have lost nothing as a result of having a body that made me stop and smell the roses. So in retrospect My body and all its short comings has been my greatest teacher. I am in awe that what some may say is unfortunate is in fact great fortune! I am slave only to what my mind tells me, so I have decided I will use every misfortune as an opportunity to learn and grow in wisdom and truth. I am evolving into the woman I am and would have been if the world was a perfect place! I am growing in love and respect for all God has given me , even a broken soul can touch the hearts of others if it will surrender to the hand of God! I surrender all !