Yesterday found me fighting panic attack after panic attack. At moments my heart feels overwhelmed by the noise of cancer. My understanding is void of how this could be in my body. Friday I was informed the Cancer was not the kind that would respond to certain new drugs that they are having great success with so chemo therapy is in my future. So apparently letting my breasts be sacrificed to save my life is not the only thing I shall lose. I would be lying if I did not say I am scared but not shaken. My faith and my friends are strong, the love of my family amazing but this battle is mine. Today I must do everything it takes to keep my mind from getting caught up in the fear of what next? I think I am going to join the gym so I can have a place to work out this energy that comes from the fight or flight syndrome I have causing me to feel paniced! I need a game plan that gives me purpose during my recovery.
Today I will finish up preparing for the holidays so that I can enjoy them during the healing of my body. I shall accept that what ever I accomplish will be enough and I shall laugh with my daughter as we find the theme for our Christmas picture. I shall live each moment with gladness of heart and drown out the whispers in my mind stirring up fear. Today I shall find my way to the land of the living and set aside Cancer because right now it is still buried in my Breast far from where the eye can see.
My surgery Monday Dec.1st.
Bilateral Masectomy
Pray for me and my family
Thank you
Pam
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