My Journey

Today I feel a calm certainty even tho I am preparing for my recovery and trying to get my house in order.  The world as I know it is in a state of unrest and I too am conflicted with unrest at times, I question how will I feel when the flesh that my babies slept on is no longer there, how will I feel the first time my husband puts his hands on my body and finds scarrs where my Breast use to be? How will I feel when my hair is gone and my head is bald? I feel certain that grief will hit me when the pain wears off but I am just as certain a calmness will follow when I know that I have done everything possible to be alive to live this abundant life I have been given.  I have choices to make each and every day, cry or move forward, fear or gladness, hope or sorrow, well my God gives beauty for ashes and I trust beauty comes from ashes.  The choice is mine and I will dance in this storm. I will get my home ready for the holidays and get my Christmas shopping done, I will live and experience joy unspeakable because that is what I choose. If my life were to be cut short by any means I would want to leave behind  a direct trail to the heavens, so I am going to find my way no matter how hard this journey may be. When all could be lost you realize, I am all I have to give and I want to give something beautiful to others and the beauty that the world thinks of shall be stripped away and never again shall I be whole physically, but I am more than what the eye can see.  Who is Pam that God is mindful of her? I believe with certainty that this trial shall uncover my true beauty and for that I am grateful. With blessed assurance I shall move forward and trust God no matter what tomorrow brings.