My window , my world

I am a writer but not like most. I will never be famous for writing about the words that express my inner life. I struggle sometimes putting my words on paper because if I just express the rawness of my emotions people get uncomfortable and want to rescue me. I DO NOT want to be rescued from my pain and emotion, no, I want to scale that mountain just as I do in the summer on my hikes. I am a warrior and I am nothing like the person you see in your mind when you consider me.
I have disabilities that have strengthened me. I am a warrior and damn proud of all I have survived. I am angry right now and find expressing my strengths makes me a little less on edge. My body has been the first battle ground I have had to fight to overcome. My affliction is insidious in its nature. People look at me and see a fit 50 year old woman and I am, but inside me lies a bomb that at any given minute could bring me to my knees, paralyze me and in its wake leave me needing a shower and a bed so I can begin to recover. This disease has been my constant companion during my adult life and yet most people do not know. I am not special and need on sympathy but I have lived with this threat and it has tried to rob me of my life but to no avail. Physical handicaps , emotional handicaps they can make a life or break one, I choose to use it to make me stronger. I will be who I am and not let a threat of something out weight the need of expecting something greater of myself. I confess this to you now because we need more control not less. This is where we come back to words and their power. I share words to let out my fears about all the things you cannot see. I do not want sympathy , I just want to give you insight to my world. When we share who we are and our deepest secrets we empower ourselves to be a light in the darkness to so others might find their way as well !