Pregnant with possibilities

Expressions of joy need to come more often than conflict but at this moment in my life I am overcome with constant upheaval. I started to blog 2 years ago and at that point in time I thought I was there , there being the place you hope to arrive in an older age of life when nothing is that much shocking or frightening, anymore!
I really thought after raising 3 children and getting them to adulthood alive, I had something to feel accomplished about. The day each moved to go away to school , I felt a satisfaction of a job being completed . That accomplishment lasted for a brief period of time and then the floodgates opened. Trials and tribulations that I had not really expected. I being very foolish had thought I had made all the right choices when raising my family and of course the outcome was going to be predictable; my children were going to be beautiful and intelligent adults very accomplished in what ever they set their hand to do! My heart and mind said I had not made all the mistakes my parents had, so, life was going to be a cakewalk for my kids ......they have nothing to overcome.
Huge mistake, did I say huge mistake? These beautiful and mind you extraordinary humans had flaws and crosses of their own to bear. I found you cannot love your kids to much , just as you can not make them any less human than you are.
I think this is the place where I found my peace with God and my parents! I am human and so are they, those things I rebelled against were for me. My rebellion was about me no one else. We so often want to think well if this had not happened I would not be like this. It is all bull ! I was destined to be a wild and promiscuous girl. My choices made me who I am, it is not not my parents fault or my religion but me ! As I accept my children I find God gives me the grace to accept myself. God also gives me the grace to forgive those parents who did the best they knew how! Bad things happen to all of us growing up but the challenge is that we do not become shackled to those sins or mistakes, even the crimes we had no control over are now subject to us if we take authority over them ! Those very bad experiences bring out the beauty in us if we allow the process to take its natural course in our life. So as a Mother and Wife I must trust that people are free to be who they need to be in this moment, so they can become who God wants them to be in the future. The moral of my story is; Take all your sorrows and take all the experiences you have in life and allow the goodness and purpose of God to over shadow them so you may become pregnant with the person God intended you to be.